on followers, faves, and forgiveness

I love having the timehop app. It’s really fun to see old pictures and old memories. It’s also really interesting to see how I acted on social media compared to the actual state of my heart. I went to church a little in the beginning of high school because I had to, but I consider when I got saved to be October of my senior year. So it’s kind of funny to see bible verses or overly spiritual things popping up on my timehop from my sophomore and junior years, and thinking back to what I was actually doing at that point, and how far I really was from God.

It’s so easy to put a good face up on social media. To post a few verses or a Tozer quote, and act like everything is peachy.

I want to be transparent. Just because I post something pretty on my blog and it says something that touches your heart, or it looks like I have my act together, doesn’t mean that’s the truth.

I mess up all the time. Constantly. Daily. “Big” sins, and what feels like a million “little” ones (even though I know they all equally put Jesus on the cross). I’m not great at this thing called life. And I’m also not great at facing God when I feel convicted.

I let the healthy and helpful prodding of the Holy Spirit become twisted into a guilt that then pushes me farther from God. Instead of it drawing me closer, Satan knows how easy it is to get in my head and use that to do the opposite.

In my quest to chill out a little bit and go, “Okay. Where are You really at with my guilt and my sheepishness and wanting to not be in trouble…?” I dug in to see what I could find on forgiveness.

(spoiler – there’s a ton of stuff on forgiveness.)

Psalm 103:12 says, “He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.”

1 John 1:9 says, “But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”

Isaiah 1:18 says, “‘Come now, let’s settle this,’ says the LORD. ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.’”

Acts 3:19 says, “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,”

I dig some refreshing from the Lord. And I need it today, while I try to figure out where conviction from the Spirit ends and guilt that will hurt my relationship and my worship begins.

Conviction is a good thing. Healthy. Necessary. Conviction is when little Jiminy Cricket hops up on my shoulder and goes “Hey Kait, do you really think that’s what you should be doing/ thinking/ reading/ watching/ saying right now?” Conviction is from God and is designed to help me walk out who I should be in Him; it’s my compass in this adventure called life.

Isaiah 30:18 says, “Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!”

Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Romans 2:4 says, “Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?”

Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you, self?!

I don’t know how He deals with me so often. I hurt Him so much.

But can’t you see His kindness is intended to turn you from your sin, Kait? Self, that voice is love.

One of my favorite songs says, “A father who doesn’t discipline/ Is one watching his kids/ Playing in the streets of sin.” That’s the point of conviction. To keep my reckless self from running out into the dangerous street and getting my heart all beat up. And I know that in my head, but it’s hard to remember when my shame makes it hard to come back to God after one more mistake.

Don’t be discouraged when you see everyone else’s pretty social media. Their timehop’s probably won’t match their actual hearts next year, either.

Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant and patient God is with you? So hang your head a little when you come back to Him. It’s okay. Apologize, once again. And remember that He longs to wipe away your sins and refresh you.

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